Friday, April 18, 2014

You're My Cover Girl

I was pretty stoked when I read online that two members of The New Kids on the Block are running the marathon with me.

It's Joey McIntyre and Donnie Wood, yo. Hangin' Tough. Heartbreak Hill. Step by Step.

Also, and this is awesome, my friend Paula made me a cake and put it in the Faculty Room.

Are you kidding me with this, Paula?!

Wednesday, April 16, 2014

Everybody Wants Some

I was in a spectacular mood when I went in for light therapy. Do you know what it's like? I didn't. Here's the scoop:

You go into a nice waiting room and disrobe. You don a hospital gown, and then you get to pick up your own special goggles from a bin WITH YOUR NAME ON IT! You love that. It's like you belong in the phototherapy clinic, and you were meant to be there. I'm not really exaggerating.

Then, a super chatty nurse says nice things to you and orients you to a 360 stand-up light machine. She also orients you to the side effects, which you don't care about at all. You only care about your fervent desire to not look like a leper.

"Wow!" she says, looking at your chart. "You get to start off with a high dose! He's really being aggressive with this."

You feel glad about this even though you tend to burn easily.

"You might get red for 12-24 hours, but if it doesn't go away; or if you blister, be sure to let us know."

Blah, blah - let's get into the LIGHT!

You stand on a towel in the middle of the machine and hand the nurse your robe through a small crack in the door. It's awesome that she respects your right to hide your lesion-ridden body from her.

A few seconds later, all the lights come on and you visualize a clear, smooth body. It's warm and spectacular, even though it only lasts a minute. And, later, when you change into your pajamas after you shower, you notice that several spots are completely zapped. Like, GONE. Sure, the skin is slightly red, but the spots! Faded! Gone! Hope and happiness! More lights on Thursday! Lights, Lights, Lights!

Monday, April 14, 2014

Countdown to Boston

The Boston Marathon is a week from today. OMG.

I think I have my outfit selected, so I'm all set. Of course, my outfit will reveal my disgusting full-body psoriasis, which I can't stop talking about. At work, my friend Stacy asked what my number was so she could alert her son, who will be cheering on Heartbreak Hill.

"Oh," I said. "Just tell him to look for the woman with the full-body rash!"

At the dermatologist's office, I talked with the nurse about how I'd probably alarm the other participants in the storied event.

"Well," she said, "just think of all that great UV exposure!"

Nurses. They're always looking on the bright side. Such a good trait.

Friday, April 11, 2014

Cream, Gel, or Ointment

Time for an update on my other chronic condition. Get excited!

Last week, my GP suggested that I would need to take a systemic medication for my hideous head-to-toe psoriasis. I spent hours researching the medication, which is really strong and has side effects. Then, today when I went to the dermatologist, he prescribed topical steriods and phototherapy. I'm thrilled. Nothing could please me more than going to the clinic over my lunch hour and standing in front of the UVB lights.

He decided on this course after inquiring after my living situation.

"Would it be possible for you to run around naked in your back yard?"

"Um," I said. "Not really."

"Okay," he said, directing the nurse to type something into the computer. "I'm prescribing light therapy. It's by far the most effective treatment for your type of psoriasis."

"Great," I said. "So in the meantime, I should go outside with not too many clothes on..."

"The least amount of clothes allowed by law," he confirmed.

"and walk around?"

"Yes," he said.

I'll try to accomplish this. I really will. But, I'll also go to the light booth three times per week for six weeks. Wish me luck.

Wednesday, April 9, 2014

Summer Clogs

I have two unfortunate chronic conditions, of which you are well aware. Today, I'm updating you on plantar fasciitis. The prescription Dansko clogs have worked wonders. Unfortunately, I'm not ready to move beyond the clogs. I still need them to prevent foot pain. But for the summer, I didn't think the black patent leather pair would be appropriate. I also didn't think that the wool Haflingers would be appropriate.

So I purchased the neither cute nor cool canvas jobs with rubber bumpers pictured above. I got them for 29 dollars. I'm going to love them, and so will everyone else.

Sunday, April 6, 2014

Signs of Spring

I taught my second child to ride a two-wheeler this weekend. I taught my oldest child to do it, too, but that was ages ago.

Here's the evidence:

Saturday, April 5, 2014

Harshing My Vibe

Total Bummer Alert:

My wallet got stolen on Thursday night at my favorite restaurant. It was in my purse, which was hanging on my chair. Dude was loitering around our table in a weird way, which bugged me, and then he stole my wallet without me noticing.

When I play it back in my mind, I see exactly what happened. But, at the time, I was distracted, having a deep convo with bosom pal Jordan. And, because we were celebrating my birthday, I didn't pay for dinner, so I didn't notice until the morning that my wallet was gone.

By this time, Dude had charged about 1500.00 worth of stuff on my credit and bank cards. Pronto and I made the appropriate calls. Jordan called the restaurant and talked with the manager. This was a really unfortunate situation, but we've made the best of it. Pretty soon, I'll go to the DMV and get a new license.

I want this criminal to pay for his ridiculous behavior, but I bet he probably won't. Sometimes, that's the way it goes.